TWO DAYS LATER... Hello and welcome my friends, to the last-minute, nonexistent awards show blog entry that I've decided shall take the place of a staid, uninteresting all-network, analytical look at this fall's primetime network television schedule!
YES! It's the first annual "Entertainment on Jeff's Terms" FALLY AWARDS!
Today, I will be recognizing the most intriguing (and in one special case; most horrifying) new series set to hit your screens this September-ish!
The following "awards" will be presented first by network, in order of the network's overall standing on television; followed by a special award for utter lack of excellence in television achievement; and then "THE BIG TWO" (nobody calls them that...yet), OVERALL MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - COMEDY and OVERALL MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - DRAMA!
...and now here to present the first--erm--well, ALL of the awards today, ladies and gentlemen...IT'S ME, JEFF HEATHERLY!
[APPLAUSE]
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MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - THE CW: RINGER
Now, let's just be brutally honest right from the off. As you may have seen, The CW's new offerings are short in supply and tentatively possibly good at best. Having given myself the past two days to really let everything I've seen simmer in my head, I'm starting to see more potential in Ringer than at first glance. In my CW-specific entry, I compared it to The Fugitive and the more I thought about that, the more excited I got. There aren't many (if any) shows like that around anymore; what with the lone protagonist, mournfully shambling across the country, running from some pursuing force, setting things right that once went wrong and hoping each time that their next leap will be the leap home. ...Wait, what was I talking about?--Right. Ringer. Point is, if it lives up to that tradition, I could see myself enjoying many-a-Tuesday night with our former Slayer.
AIRING TUESDAYS AT 9/8c ON THE CW THIS FALL!
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MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - NBC: (tie) THE PLAYBOY CLUB and FREE AGENTS
Before I begin, let me sincerely apologize for the music. Clearly, between last week and now, NBC has lost the online rights to pretty much every licensed song in these trailers--save for "Car Wash"--and I truly hope it didn't affect your enjoyment. (Honestly, it almost did for me...especially those godawful Sinatra and Tina Turner sound-alikes in the Playboy Club trailer.) With that out of the way, let me also qualify these selections as actually being the SECOND most promising shows on NBC this season (as you'll see coming up later)...but this is no slight to them. Since doing my network-by-network entries, I've been giving both these shows a lot more thought.
I've had a pretty strong inner debate in the battle of Playboy vs. ABC's Pan Am, and the fact is Hef keeps winning. A much more engaging cast, a greater sense of whimsy, thoroughly more eye-popping visuals (STILETTO HEEL IN THE EYE!)...it just looks a hell of a lot more fun. Like I said in my ABC entry, from a purely...Emmy-grabbing perspective, Pan Am's probably got the bunnies beat...but I'm in the mood to have a good time this season, and I think this one will provide.
Speaking of which, Free Agents. This go-round with the trailer, my mind wandered to another great NBC sitcom that flourished--for the most part--outside of the Thursday night line-up: NewsRadio. The two shows have taken a very similar--and very welcome--tack by having our romantic leads get the first secret sexual tryst out of the way right out of the gate, leaving the will they/won't they drama out of the equation and giving the writers room to focus on the non-stop funny. Come on, America. Hank Azaria has deserved his shot for A LONG TIME. Let's give it to him right here, right now. (SUGGESTIVE!)
THE PLAYBOY CLUB AIRING MONDAYS AT 10/9c ON NBC THIS FALL!
FREE AGENTS AIRING WEDNESDAYS AT 8:30/7:30c ON NBC THIS FALL!
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MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - ABC: APARTMENT 23
Oh, rest assured, readers; I am as shocked as you are right now. This call literally came down the moment before I typed the title of the show up there. I was fully prepared to give the push to Once Upon A Time (which, once again, is more likely the better/more successful of the two "fairy tales are real" series this year), but then I just realized...GOD, I want to see this more. Seriously, if I could pick one of these two shows to premiere tonight...it's this. I just keep thinking about all the potential shenanigans our fictionalized version of The Beek is going to get into; my inexplicable swooning for Krysten Ritter despite never having seen a single thing she's been in; laughing...really, just laughing. I'm in a pretty dark place in my life right now personally, and this year, I want to enjoy myself. I want to be engaged by something. Make me laugh, you former untrustworthy bitch, you.
AIRING MIDSEASON ON ABC!
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MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - FOX: ALCATRAZ
Don't you just love that "Oh, snap! Shit's about to get REAL!" feeling? Over the past decade or so, no one has provided that feeling better than J.J. Abrams and the folks at Bad Robot Productions, and Alcatraz looks primed to carry on that tradition. Watching the trailer this time around, I found myself--more than anything--tremendously happy to see familiar faces like Jorge (HURLEY!) Garcia and Dr. Alan Grant/Merlin himself Sam Neill (who's gotten depressingly jowly over the years) on my screen. Let's be honest with ourselves. Out of all the former cast of Lost, nobody came away with more public goodwill than TV's Hugo Reyes, and in a Fall where it seems familiarity is a big selling point for a lot of shows, I can't deny smiling biggest at the sight of our favorite cursed lottery winner. Pop in cinema's most beloved paleontologist and BOOM!--We've got a show.
AIRING MONDAYS AT 9/8c MIDSEASON ON FOX!
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MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - CBS: PERSON OF INTEREST
(Hello again, J.J.) Jesus and Ben Linus are going to fuck some people up...and it's going to be ridiculously entertaining. In (roughly) the week since I first watched this trailer, the first viral marketing campaign for Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises (co-written by Person creator/co-executive producer Jonathan Nolan) has begun. Late last week, we all got our first look at Tom Hardy as Bane in next summer's final chapter of this particular Batman universe. Somehow--as minutely related as it is--it got me even more excited about this show. Seriously, to combine two of geekdom's most formidable figures (Abrams and The Nolans) is tantamount to the legendary (and fictional) creation of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Two great tastes that taste great together, indeed.
AIRING THURSDAYS AT 9/8c ON CBS THIS FALL!
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Before I get to our next award, I just want to take a moment to apologize for what I'm about to unleash upon you yet again. There are some pieces of "entertainment" that are so startlingly awful; so impossibly horrendous; so incredibly inexplicable in their mere existence that it forces one to ask a very powerful question: HOW DID THIS GET MADE? Five months ago, beloved comedian and Human Giant alum Paul Scheer established a podcast that set out to ask that very question about some of the most reviled and embattled films of all-time. However, this isn't a movie. This is a television show, so allow me to shamelessly (and respectfully) take Mr. Scheer's name and the title of his fantastic podcast and present you with the following...
THE UNAUTHORIZED PAUL SCHEER "HOW DID THIS GET MADE?" AWARD FOR TELEVISED AWFUL: WORK IT
I just have to say it again. Go to hell, ABC. The only bright side to Work It (which is the part where you ask "There's a bright side?") is that months from now if--by some act of utter Satanic evil--this trash actually makes it to air, you can use it to gauge who's really essential in your life. If you meet a single person who has the slightest interest in this show and/or enjoys it--and this is only because murder is illegal--you can feel secure knowing you'll never want to interact with that theoretical moron of such impeccably malignant taste ever again...and that's always a nice feeling. Certainty is nice, isn't it? Oh, and once again, go to hell, ABC.
AIRING HOPEFULLY NEVER (OR--GOD HELP US--MIDSEASON) ON ABC!
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...and now, if you survived that, here's your reward! It's time for the two biggest awards of the entry...
OVERALL MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - COMEDY: SUBURGATORY
After a nearly decade-long slump, ABC has really struck gold in comedy lately. With greatness like Cougar Town and inexplicably popular/award-winning fare like Modern Family and The Middle, they've finally--(with the exception of the preceding Fally Award winner)--made a massive leap away from their reputation as the network that gave According to Jim airtime for an impressively terrible EIGHT SEASONS. Suburgatory, with its great cast and crew, looks to be another feather in the Disney-owned network's comedy cap. Oh, and before anyone decides to get snarky about it--OF COURSE, they scored points with me for Tessa Altman's visual and stylistic resemblance to my beloved Emma Stone. (No shame in my game.)
AIRING WEDNESDAYS AT 8:30/7:30c ON ABC THIS FALL!
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OVERALL MOST PROMISING NEW SERIES - DRAMA: AWAKE
That was the third time I've watched that trailer since I covered NBC last week. There has yet to have been a single viewing of it upon which I haven't (1) started to tear up pretty immediately and (2) not immediately followed watching it by shaking my fists in the air and audibly yelling "WHY?! WHY ARE YOU NOT ON MY TV RIGHT NOW?!". I reiterate what I initially said about this: that this isn't airing until midseason is absolutely ASTONISHING to me. I haven't been so passionate that a show be given a chance to succeed in...longer than I can even remember. This show's presence is nothing short of ESSENTIAL to my 2011-2012 television season, and honestly, I can't fathom how anyone could possibly disagree. Over the last week, I have seriously contemplated organizing some sort of campaign to preemptively save it from even the remotest possibility of cancellation or even to get its premiere moved up to the late Fall. Bar-none, this will be THE BEST NEW SHOW OF THE SEASON. This is the one time...THE ONE TIME...I truly need NBC to not fuck up. Another reiteration: THIS IS YOUR LOST, NBC. THIS WILL SAVE YOU. PLEASE LET IT.
AIRING MIDSEASON (OR--FINGERS CROSSED--SOONER) ON NBC!
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...and that concludes the first annual "Entertainment on Jeff's Terms" Fally Awards! I hope you've enjoyed this special second look at the season's most promising new network series, and please TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THESE SHOWS.
ESPECIALLY AWAKE.
I shall return soon with more rantings, ravings, and ramblings.
Until then, this was only acceptable in 1980, ABC. You fucked up. BIG TIME.
I'M WOLVERIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNEEEEEE!!!!!
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