Alright, I can explain. "Entertainment on Jeff's Terms" almost returned this afternoon with a look at CBS' new Monday night comedy 2 Broke Girls. I watched the pilot and got halfway through the review when it suddenly--and quite abruptly--turned into a rant about the state of the economy, the irresponsibility of youth, and the sad state of my life over the past fifteen months.
Trust me. You didn't want to read it.
In the interest of information, I'll just briefly say that I didn't care for it, and moreover, felt/feel ashamed at the fact that the sole motivation for watching it was my quite uncharacteristic-of-me fascination with Kat Dennings' breasts. People who know me well know that I don't usually fall into such hyper-hetero machinations, and I hope I never make that mistake again.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Jeff, how can you say all of that considering what you're about to review?"
Like I said, I can explain. As such, let's conclude our look at Monday with our first network attempt at something Mad Men-esque this season, NBC's The Playboy Club.
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THE GIST OF IT
1963. Chicago. Present-day Hugh Hefner narrates our first look at the center of it all, The Playboy Club. To paraphrase, Hef describes the club as a place where dreams came true, where anybody or (and I'm not making this up; this pun actually happened) "anybunny" could be whatever they wanted to be. We quickly meet a few of the bunnies in question. There's Carol-Lynne (Broadway starlet Laura Benanti), the longest-serving employee of the club, who regularly performs jazz standards on the club's main stage; Brenda (Naturi Naughton, formerly of R&B trio 3LW), a self-described "chocolate bunny" who dreams of being Playboy's first African-American centerfold; Alice (Leah Renee), a closeted lesbian in a sham marriage with likewise gay husband Sean (Sean Maher, best known as Simon Tam in Joss Whedon's Firefly and Serenity), and our central bunny Maureen (Amber Heard, of Pineapple Express and most recently Drive Angry fame), the club's newest hire. Our bunnies entertain countless gentlemen of the Windy City nightly, quite notably up-and-coming attorney Nick Dalton (Eddie Cibrian, whose longest-running role was on Third Watch, but trust me...YOU'VE SEEN HIM...A LOT OF (mostly cancelled) PLACES).
On this particular evening, the club is visited by local mob boss Bruno Bianchi who quickly takes a shine to Maureen, cornering her in a back room and forcing himself on her. After a struggle, Maureen accidentally slices Bianchi's jugular with her stiletto heel, killing him instantly. Nick Dalton discovers the fracas and helps Maureen clean up, dump the body, and brings her back to his apartment to shower. The aforementioned Carol-Lynne--Nick's girlfriend--comes home to find the pair and storms off. The next day, Carol-Lynne makes a move to take some power from club manager Billy Rosen (the ever-delightful David Krumholtz, most recently late of NUMB3RS) and after some politicking with Hef, is named the club's new "bunny-mother". As her first act, she bans the bunnies from dating any customers and unsuccessfully attempts to intimidate Maureen into quitting. Meanwhile, Bianchi's son John (Troy Garity a.k.a. the token white guy from the Barbershop films) begins investigating his father's disappearance, suspecting Dalton whose campaign for State Attorney could definitely benefit from the downfall of a major crime boss.
All this, plus a few performances from an up-and-coming music act named Tina Turner (Kellita Smith, best known as wife Wanda Mac on The Bernie Mac Show) and a poorly-dubbed voice for the young Hef...and that's The Playboy Club.
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MOVING FORWARD (SPOILERS, I SUPPOSE.)
According to the post-show "This season..." preview, we've got more scrapes with the mob, infighting with the bunnies, and our closeted lesbian Alice will be outed to someone on staff. Plus, Eddie Cibrian's Nick Dalton will have lots and lots of sex. You can pretty much figure out the rest from there.
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IN ESSENCE, MY FRIENDS...
...hmm...let's see how Pan Am turns out.
Back in May, I listed The Playboy Club as one of NBC's two most promising new series (alongside the delighftul Free Agents). That promise was pretty handily broken. What a gaudy clusterfuck of shitty stereotypes, trite dialogue, and misplaced character tropes this was.
Those who know me best and really anyone who looks at my TV-on-DVD collection will notice that I have an affinity for strong female protagonists. Scan my shelves and you'll be greeted with the adventures of Sydney Bristow, Kara "Starbuck" Thrace, Helena "Huntress" Kyle, Buffy Summers, Agent Sarah Walker, Georgia Lass, Amy Pond, Liz Lemon...I could go on and on. I grew up in a house of three strong women. I expect my female leads to follow suit.
Now, when I say "strong female protagonists", I mean tough, intelligent, witty, dutiful, honorable, responsible (and I could list more and more similar adjectives) women. I don't mean mindless sex objects, irresponsible teen moms, or conniving (sorry, there's no better term) bitches. As such, I've never had any interest in shows like Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, or the vast majority of ABC Family's "drama" output; shows full of women who use shameless sexuality, mean-spiritedness, unearned wealth, and intentionally self-debasing tactics to get ahead, or worse...the ones who just give up on life and accept lives that are beneath them.
Now, to be fair...this show has a mixed bag of both the former and the latter...but what bothers me is that they want me to view the latter as their example of the "strong female protagonist", particularly the aforementioned "bunny-mother" Carol-Lynne. While she's being hateful and dishonest with everyone around her, I'm supposed to throw a fist in the air and scream, "Right on! She's taking progressive feminist steps in 1963 Chicago! Huzzah and kudos!".
...but I can't do that. Now, I know there's probably a decent number of you who are screaming at your screen right now, "Jeff, what the hell were you expecting from a show called The Playboy Club?"...and you raise an excellent point, I suppose. Believe it or not though, I wasn't expecting this show's lame-duck attempts at political commentary. I thought it was aware that it was only a stylistic cousin to a much better show like Mad Men. I expected a film noir, and I got pretty much everything that everyone criticized this show for, sight unseen. This was my mistake, and I take full responsibility.
Worse still, I know the only reason I would ever come back to this show would be because yes, Amber Heard is bloody gorgeous. Her smile could cure cancer. However...I don't want to be THAT GUY, you know. That kind of motivation is beneath me.
...I feel like I've really painted myself into a political corner by even watching this show...and I don't like that feeling.
I'll conclude with this: this show could probably be fun. Eddie Cibrian's poor man's Don Draper act--complete with VERY transparent attempts to match Jon Hamm's mannerisms--is pretty entertaining, in the most kitschy way possible. David Krumholtz is always a hoot. The plot line about Alice's role in the gay rights movement could be fascinating; honestly, to the point that I feel like if this show really wanted to give us commentary, she'd be our star...but that's not what The Playboy Club wants to be, no matter what it'll claim.
Fact is though, this show is pretty high in everyone's "first new show to be cancelled" poll and if its ratings are indication, that's a pretty accurate poll. In essence, my friends...(hey!--that's the title of this section)...why involve yourself in this confused political minefield if it's not going to be here much longer?
...
...Did ANY OF THAT make sense?
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THESE ARE BLURBS
A few stray thoughts that didn't make it into that hyper-defensive ramble up there...
- While the dubbing was awful, I do kind of dig the way young Hef is portrayed. He's just the back of a head wearing a smoking jacket, like Charlie Townsend or Dr. Claw...
- ...however, one other thing I'll say: I kind of wish this were an actual historical docu-drama about the life and rise of Hugh Hefner as a free-speech activist. I've always found him to be a fascinating figure and I think they may have missed the boat by turning what could have been a fun historical trip into whatever this is.
- Speaking of shitty dubbing/lip-synching, whoever is responsible for editing the musical performances together needs to step up their game or be replaced. Kellita Smith's Tina Turner (which I think she sang herself, and if so...right on, Mrs. Mac) was okay, but Carol-Lynne's two numbers at the opening of the show were just dreadful.
- THE PLAYBOY CLUB AIRS MONDAY NIGHTS AT 10pm EST ON NBC!
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...and so, that happened.
Join me again tomorrow for a look at FOX's new Tuesday night comedy New Girl. Here's hoping Zooey Deschanel's wacky antics won't throw me into a political or philosophical frenzy...but rather a frenzy of LAUGHTER!
Until then, he's a boat captain.
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