Welcome one and all to the biggest television week of Fall 2011 and this very special edition of "Entertainment on Jeff's Terms". Later today, I'll be bringing you looks at CBS' new Monday night comedy 2 Broke Girls (that's right; I wavered back to a "yes" on that one) and our first attempt at Mad Men-on-broadcast, NBC's The Playboy Club.
Right now though, let's take a look at what may be the single most talked-about event of the 2011-2012 TV season so far: CBS' new Sheen-less Two and a Half Men with its new cast addition Ashton Kutcher.
NOTE: I'll try my best to avoid spoilers, but to be fair, I know a decent number of you are just here so you don't have to actually watch it, so...I won't disappoint you.
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THE GIST OF IT
Eight years ago, recent divorcee Alan Harper (Jon "Duckie" Cryer) and his then-nine-year-old son Jake (Angus T. Jones) moved into the palatial beach house of Alan's brother Charlie (Sheen; of "WINNING", tiger blood, and other such recent nonsense fame...and some other things before that, too), a womanizing commercial jingle writer. Ratings-topping television comedy ensued.
Cut to...PRESENT DAY.
Standing in front of one of Charlie's signature shirts and astride his coffin, Alan attempts to eulogize his fallen brother to a hostile crowd of a great deal of Charlie's past sexual exploits (including--but not limited to, because as you might guess, there were a lot of them--Jenny McCarthy, Jeri "7 of 9" Ryan, Sarah "Fairly Legal" Shahi, Liz "Captain Liberty" Vassey, and if I'm not mistaken, Tricia "Caprica Six" Helfer). Eventually, Alan gives up and brings Charlie's most recent conquest and their longtime stalkery neighbor Rose (Melanie Lynskey) to the podium, where it is revealed that on a whirlwind trip to Paris, Charlie met his demise after "slipping" and falling in front of a moving metro subway train...mere hours after being discovered in bed with a woman who most certainly wasn't Rose. So...yeah.
A few hours later, Alan, Jake, Alan's ex-wife Judith (Marin Hinkle), Charlie's longtime housekeeper Berta (Conchata Ferrell), Dr. Herb Melnick (Ryan Stiles!), and Harper family matriarch Evelyn (the great Holland Taylor) sit in Charlie's living room swapping stories of the departed, during which time it's revealed that Charlie wasn't as successful as once thought and that the house must be sold immediately to pay off its three mortgages. Over the next few days, Alan is tasked to show the house to potential buyers including cameoing John Stamos (who was very notably considered to replace Sheen) and Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson reprising their roles as Dharma & Greg (also from Men co-creator/executive producer Chuck Lorre).
Eventually, Charlie's cremated remains are delivered (by cameoing Joel "Freddy Rumsen" Murray) and Alan takes a moment to truly say goodbye to his brother. (It's a surprisingly poignant scene in such a macabre situation.) After some thought, Alan decides it would be best to spread the ashes onto the beach and heads for the french doors...only to be immediately spooked by Walden Schmidt (Kutcher), scattering the ashes all over the living room floor. Walden is soaking wet after an unsuccessful attempt to drown himself in the Pacific, depressed after a recent divorce. In the ensuing conversation, Alan discovers that Walden is currently worth $1.3 Billion after selling an idea to Microsoft and immediately goes to work trying to sell him the house, providing he and Jake will be allowed to stay.
That night, the pair pick up a pair of women sympathetic to Walden's loneliness at a bar, and bring them back to the house where Walden quickly beds both of them, as Alan laments how depressingly familiar it all seems. The next morning, a naked Walden announces his intent to buy the house and move in with Alan and Jake immediately. So...there it goes.
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MOVING FORWARD (SPOILERS?--WHAT SPOILERS?)
In an interview on Conan last week, Ashton Kutcher explained that studio audiences attending tapings of Two and a Half Men this season have been required to sign legally-binding confidentiality agreements before entering the studio. It's an unheardof measure of security for a television sitcom. As such, we know very little of what's coming beyond the impending presence of TV favorite Judy Greer (Archer, Arrested Development, etc.) as Walden's ex-wife Bridget.
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IN ESSENCE, MY FRIENDS...
...well...that was interesting.
Let me go ahead and note that I'm not remotely a regular viewer of this show, nor have I ever been. Unlike many people I know, this isn't due to any ill will I harbor toward it; I merely never had any interest. A few years ago, a former roommate let me borrow his first-season DVD set, of which I watched about 12 episodes, but that's about it.
To be fair, I don't think being a fan would have lessened the bizarreness of the experience. The first fifteen-ish minutes of the episode were a truly (to borrow a term I used above) macabre thing to behold. I get Chuck Lorre's pretty-well justified want to flip a strongly-written middle finger at his former star, but...my God...it all seemed really cold and...just weird; even weirder when you consider that the episode was helmed by veteran television comedy director James Widdoes (Hoover of Animal House fame), who also happened to direct the obviously much more sincere sendoff for the (genuinely) late, great John Ritter and his character on ABC's 8 Simple Rules back in 2003.
I guess Charlie REALLY pissed some people off, huh?
All this being said, it should be mentioned that the latter half of the episode which featured the debut of Kutcher's Walden Schmidt...believe it or not...I found it kind of entertaining. That '70s Show is easily one of my top 10 favorite series of all-time and it was pretty great seeing Ashton in--essentially--a variation of his Michael Kelso. If nothing else, Kutcher's charm helped turn the episode around better than I think some of the other potential anti-Sheens could have.
I have to be honest...I'm probably going to watch next week. Like a lot of viewers, I'm still oddly curious about this whole thing. Rest assured...this isn't me going soft or losing taste, so get off your soapboxes, Men-hating acquaintances of mine. I'm just like anyone else in the presence of a car crash...I can't look away.
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THESE ARE BLURBS
Further scattered thoughts about the new Two and a Half Men...
- It's abundantly clear the studio audience didn't really know how to take the first half of the episode either, as evidenced by the blatant laugh-track used from the funeral up to the moments before Kutcher's arrival, which elicited the first genuine reaction, it would seem.
- WALDEN (on the app Microsoft bought from him): "They bundled it with their [air-quotes] 'iPod killer', the Zune."
ALAN: "Huh. Nothing ever came with my Zune."
WALDEN: "...You bought a Zune?"
I will never not laugh at a Zune joke. - I don't mean to sound dense...but was Ashton actually nude during that last scene? The studio audience's reaction was a little too strong for someone wearing a "cock sock".
- TWO AND A HALF MEN AIRS MONDAY NIGHTS AT 9pm EST ON CBS!
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...and so ends that experiment.
Join me again later today for a look at CBS' 2 Broke Girls and later-still, a look at NBC's The Playboy Club.
Until then, I'll bet he was there.
The comedy was still a little too blue for my taste. It wasn't Walden sleeping with two women, it was Allen masturbating to the threesome. John Stamos' cameo was great, but the threesome where a girl passes out and he and Charlie kept going went over the edge. Also, seeing Thomas Gibson miming suicide after years of watching Hotchner on Criminal Minds was just weird. Was that a typical part of Dharma and Greg? The only part of that show I remember is that you don't sleep in the rain. Also, the Zune had a coupon.
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