My name is Jeff Heatherly and whether you like it or not, I have returned.
So. What happened while I was gone? (Better question: Do you actually care?) I had a handful of nervous breakdowns. I found love. I read all the available Game of Thrones books. I had some medical issues. I turned 26 and 27. There was a gas shortage and A Flock of Seagulls. That's. About. It.
But enough about me. Let's talk about you.
I'm kidding. Let's talk about television. Because there was only one thing that could bring me out of my self-imposed entertainment blogging exile: the 2014 network upfronts.
Over the next few days I'll be bringing you the trailers, the synopses and my thoughts on all the new series you'll be able to find in the first 99 channels of your preferred television provider. Later this week, I'll be commenting on the offerings from FOX, ABC and the conjoined mutant known as CBS/The CW.
BUT FIRST(!), it's time for a look at America's #1 network!
Wait. That can't be right.
You're serious? How the bloody hell did they pull that off?
...
[sigh] Okay. Here's NBC!
(NOTE: As in my previous upfronts blogs, new series will be denoted by ALL CAPS, while schedule changes will be listed in italics.)
(YET ANOTHER NOTE: Due to an unforeseen lack of promotional materials for midseason shows, I will only cover what series have trailers as of this writing; a policy that I will employ for the remainder of this week's blogs.)
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MONDAY
8-10pm - The Voice
10-11pm - The Blacklist/STATE OF AFFAIRS (beginning November 17)
STATE OF AFFAIRS: When I think of all the actors I could stand to never see again, Katherine Heigl is quite possibly at the top of that list. After suffering her presence in countless bland romantic comedies and having to endure her self-absorbed, hateful comments in the press and at public functions, she's pretty much persona non grata. This trailer...didn't change that in the least. Not only that, the age of the rah-rah-America political thriller is mercifully dead (at least to me); and frankly, this bland-looking offering would be low on my list even without the presence of one of my least favorite humans on the planet headlining. I sincerely wish I could provide you a more in-depth analysis, but sometimes one bad apple DOES spoil the whole bunch.
MY VERDICT: Ummm...yeah, no.
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TUESDAY
8-9pm - The Voice
9-9:30 - MARRY ME
9:30-10pm - About A Boy
10-11pm - Chicago Fire
MY VERDICT: I could see myself watching at least the pilot on Hulu at some point; but as it stands, I think I'll just stick with New Girl.
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WEDNESDAY
8-9pm - THE MYSTERIES OF LAURA
9-10pm - Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
10-11pm - Chicago P.D.
THE MYSTERIES OF LAURA: Well, that was certainly a rollercoaster. Before I even clicked play, the sight of Debra Messing (who I've always found off-putting) had me groaning...but then she shot a guy and I was like "I'm listening, show"...then it kind of lost me again at the cutesy finger paint crime scene gag...and then it had me again because I liked that it was giving me a working mother who was neither an impossibly perfect Stepford mom, nor an unrealistically troubled "you missed your kids' 23rd soccer game" stereotype...then it lost me at the hokey police procedural patter...then it had me again at Enrico "Keith Mars" Colantoni(!)...then it REALLY kind of lost me at the Tom Jones (I love the man, but really with this song?)...then it kind of had me again at the lighthearted investigation montage...then it lost me again when I realized I was literally seeing a truncated version of the show's pilot (a mistake networks--particularly NBC--desperately need to stop making with their trailers)...then it had me again with the twist of who the killer was...then it lost me when I realized that a certain cast member was just a one-off...and then it left me teetering with that dated Lady Gaga bit. [sigh] That really tuckered me out.
MY VERDICT: Overall, I found myself surprisingly charmed by that. A working mom homicide detective is not something I've seen done...maybe ever in my lifetime; and on a network whose other police dramas are--to borrow a phrase from the great Leonard Maltin--"doomsday dark", I like this show's visible sense of humor. Unless something changes over at the CW, I'll probably still be giving Arrow my live attention on Wednesdays at 8; but I could totally see this being a nice diversion for a Thursday afternoon on Hulu. Color me intrigued.
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THURSDAY
8-9pm - The Biggest Loser
9-9:30pm - BAD JUDGE
9:30-10pm - A TO Z
10-11pm - Parenthood
BAD JUDGE: Can we put a moratorium on "bad" titles? Bad Santa. Bad Teacher. Bad Judge. We get it. These people are irresponsible and raunchy and you wouldn't expect them to be doing the job they have. Hilarious. [sigh] That being said, this doesn't look terrible. It doesn't really look good either, but it certainly exceeded my low expectations. I like Kate Walsh quite a bit, and I've never seen a single episode of either Gray's Anatomy or Private Practice. I came to appreciate her during her lengthy recurring role as Drew's on again/off again girlfriend/wife Nikki on The Drew Carey Show, where she routinely proved as strong a comedic presence as anyone else in that underrated cast. As such, I would readily put my faith in her to carry a series with a few laughs. My only real concern here is...well, as with any show I'm reviewing in this entry, it's on NBC. Moreover, while this is fairly charming, I don't see this being the kind of premise the key 18-34 demo will turn out in droves for every week. Nice to see Whitney alum Tone Bell (seen here as the bailiff) working again though. Maybe his third series with this network will be the charm, but for now...
MY VERDICT: ...I can't see this lasting long. NBC needs to be investing in big comedic performances and broad, colorful characters and this just isn't it. I'll probably watch the pilot, though.
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A TO Z: So, basically it's Marry Me with two more straight-laced actors?--Okay, NBC; I can certainly see why this got Thursday instead of Tuesday. I know I've used this word a lot so far, but...charming. It's pretty ballsy though; to give America another show about a couple's journey into being, narrated by a beloved sitcom star of the '80s/'90s (KATEY SAGAL!), starring the figure of that other show's whole existence (Christin "The Mother" Milioti)...particularly when that show's fanbase seems to still be pretty on edge after the way things turned out. (I never watched HIMYM, and the vast majority of people I knew who watched it were obnoxious, so I revel in their rage. Sorry.) As a neutral party, I can see this show's appeal. Ben Feldman (fresh off of being written off of Mad Men in a most gruesome fashion) is a delightful fellow and I'm excited to see him as the lead in something, but I wish he were being given stronger material. Admittedly, this show comes from a pretty trustworthy name in adorable television (Rashida "Ann Perkins" Jones) and that could carry it far...but again, I worry that the post-HIMYM backlash may still hurt this series in the long run.
MY VERDICT: Now having seen all three of NBC's new fall comedic offerings, I'm really surprised they veered sincere over slapstick; but perhaps such a change of pace along with their newfound seat at the top of network television (again, how did that happen?) could work some magic. Another pilot I'm likely to watch.
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FRIDAY
8-9pm - Dateline NBC
9-10pm - Grimm
10-11pm - CONSTANTINE
CONSTANTINE: Allow me to be the first pundit on the internet to not begin discussing this series with a snide remark about the prior adaptation of DC Comics/Vertigo's Hellblazer. I do this for three reasons: (1) because I've never read the source material, (2) because I didn't see the movie and (3) because I prefer to judge such things on their own merits...and how do I judge this?--Intriguing. Vertigo has long been the home of DC's darker, more mature and artistically-driven works (Watchmen, V for Vendetta, etc.) and I'm always up for the chance to sample their wares. I like the look of this show a lot. It has a dreary grittiness usually reserved for premium cable offerings and it pleases me to see that NBC didn't try to demand something more colorful out of this (pun on its schedule predecessor not intended) grim concept. The man himself Matt Ryan seems like a good fit for a world-weary, dry-humored antihero and other than her laughably blunt delivery on "When did my dad die?", Lucy Griffiths made me swoon many a time during her stint on True Blood and I know she's capable of good things, so in short...
MY VERDICT: ...I dig this. I'm not exactly blown away, but this looks like it has the makings of a really fun ride. Its timeslot is a bit worrisome, but Grimm has pretty much revolutionized the idea of a successful Friday night network television series and Constantine could be the perfect companion piece. I look forward to seeing this.
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FINAL THOUGHTS:
Seriously, am I the only one blown away that NBC's on top again?
Who knew all it would take was one popular drama (The Blacklist), a beloved reality competition (The Voice) and finally ridding late night television of Jay Leno's brand of "humor"?--Okay, I think we all knew that last thing would do wonders...but enough about where NBC is right now. Let's talk about where they're going.
On the comedy front, we're seeing a combination of bold scheduling tactics with a surprisingly light-hearted touch in terms of content. Is America ready for pleasantness over outrage?--We shall see. Of the three new offerings, A to Z seems to have the narrow edge. It's well-cast and while romance is hardly a new tack for the network sitcom, its sincerity on the subject is very refreshing. Marry Me might draw the alternative comedy crowd ever so briefly for its leads, but the fact that it looks like a TV show characters in a TV show would be watching probably doesn't bode well. As for Bad Judge, I get the sense that it'll be the show on the chopping block when Parks and Recreation mercifully returns for its (sadly) final season in January.
Drama-wise, it's pretty clear what I'm pulling for. Constantine is right up my comic book-loving alley and given the great success of Arrow, I trust the folks at DC Entertainment to take my attention and run like hell. (Pun only semi-intended.) The Mysteries of Laura has the potential to be a light, fun procedural in the tradition of Murder, She Wrote and The Rockford Files, but its positioning as the veritable amuse-bouche before the grittiness of Law & Order: SVU and Chicago P.D. is a tad perplexing; and again, that's a big NO to State of Affairs. May it leave quickly and never darken our doorway again.
...and that about wraps it up for the Peacock in 2014.
It feels good to be sharing the world's entertainments with you again, dear reader. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you'll join me for the rest of this week and beyond...
...starting with my look at the new offerings over at FOX, sometime tomorrow.
Until then, #IBelieveInBenAffleck.
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